Ode to an Emerging Woman

I'm not myself
without a man
to lend to me
a helping hand.

"Make me who
you want to see,
without you
I am not me."

Let me lose
myself in him.
Let my own light
become dim.

I see my cracks
and fatal flaws
the crevice in
my self-built walls.

Falling down
into depression
over lacks in
my perfection.

Trapped inside
this self-made hell.
Why am I
not doing well?

Can't be dumb
for I am brainy
can't be fit
for I am lazy.

Can't be what
they want to see
can't be myself
there is no me.

Shaped and molded
by the men
that make me over
and leave again.

To be myself
without a man
is almost more
than I can stand.

To be both man
and woman too
to be made whole
like life brand-new.

In striving for
androgeny
a lonely hell
stares back at me.

Still I pray you
make me whole
in body, spirit,
mind and soul.

To see in men
a complement
and not a cure
for heart's lament!

Until that time
I'll try and try
I'll stumble and fall
but I'll get by.

For those who look
but don't look deep
it's for lack in myself
not a man that I weep.